July 2012

July started on a high with a week off from work...... getting my makes in a local shop & selling them!!..... & a day at the seaside with Crikey.

But it finished in the worse way possible...... losing Teddy :(

He hadn't been himself for the last week, it was hot so I thought maybe he had just gone off his food & was enjoying laying under the honeysuckle for shade. But when the rain cam & he still wouldn't move I knew something was up.

On Sunday OH called me to say he thought he had broken his leg as he came in dragging it behind him. An appointment was made for later that day & I knew the out come would be bad. However when I got home from work he was walking fine so I cancelled. We spent most of the night in the armchair together & I think I knew it couldn't continue. He was so unhappy & wouldn't eat a thing.

On Monday I was still pretending he would be fine but then it hit me..... I was making him suffer because I wasn't brave enough to do the right thing. The appointment was made & I was still hoping to bring him home...... mum & dad took me again (poor things!!!). The decision was made but they took about 15 mins trying to find a vein :( It was much worse then we thought..... his heart was failing & he was having blood clots...... hence the leg issue. The vet said that if this continued he would be in terrible pain & die a slow painful death if no one was with him. He was also blind & deaf.... not much of a life eh?

So the rest of the week has been a blur...... wake up = cry, make a cup of tea & no one to feed = cry, leave the house & no one to kiss goodbye = cry, come home from work & no one to greet me = cry, go to bed alone = cry...... see there's a pattern forming there!

I've got through this before so I know I can do it again...... in under 4 years I've lost all 3..... Charlie 2008 aged 16..... Zoe 2010 aged 20.... Teddy 2012 aged 17.

Every time has been different, with Charlie I took 5 days off from work & didn't leave the house, I thought my world would end & I ended up with a trapped nerve caused by stress. I went to the pub straight after Zoe & only had 2 days off. But this time I went to work the following day.... I'm finding it difficult to be in the house.

The house feels really empty, me & OH feel like parents who's children have moved out!!! It's the first time it's just been us for 22 years.

I'm sure we'll be fine & although I said never again maybe there's another animal out there with our name on...... a dog this time?

So it's a fresh month...... I have my John Lewis interview next week, fingers crossed it gets sorted soon as there's a job at Laura Ashley that I can have if I want it....... it's a supervisor role for min wage so not great but it's a job & I need one.

It's also my mum's 70th birthday so we'll be having a party & it's my birthday too!